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Hi guys. I’m Meg, and I’m what you would call a recovering control freak. Do we have any other control freaks out there in the audience today?
I don’t remember always being like this. Did I always feel the need to answer every question? Was I always incapable of resting because I thought the work would never be completed without me?
Maybe you can relate to how I’m feeling.
Perhaps I am plagued with this problem because, as a mom, I am answering 100,000 little questions throughout the day. I am the authority on whose turn it is to use the blue plate, and when certain cues indicate the need for a potty break so as to avoid accidents.
I have to continuously fight to give up my insatiable need for control, and I believe it contributes to the difficulty I face in finding time to exercise and generally be fit with littles.
What Feels Like A Good Day?
Quiet time with Jesus
If I can wake up in the morning to my 6 am alarm before anyone else is awake, I feel like all is right with the world.
I climb out of bed, brush my teeth and head downstairs to the kitchen. I click the coffee pot on and I might choose one chore to complete as it brews.
My favorite mug says, “His Love Endures Forever” and I fill it with coffee (and a little bit of hazelnut creamer).
I sit in our reading nook, turn on the audio Bible App, and read along in my physical Bible while I listen and sip my cup of coffee.
This is the dream scenario.
Fun, Engaging School with Good Attitudes
Since I began homeschooling my littles, I dreamed of snuggling while reading books that we all enjoyed. I hoped that the four of us would magically equally engage in hands-on science experiments and embark on amazing outdoor adventures.
When attitudes are good in our house, we motor through school. I am full of energy to engage in imaginative play and we enjoy each other well.
A Somewhat Clean House
I don’t even have a picture for this one because it’s rare I achieve this dream scenario!
Does anyone else lose focus when the dishes are piled high? Am I the only one who sees the crumbs on the floor and feels anxious? When there is some level of control over the mess in our house, my head and heart feel calmer and sharper.
Movement
I have this dream that someday, my kids will love learning how to do pushups correctly. Someday I hope they want to learn crunches, squats, and all sorts of exercises that make them feel strong. I envision a fun, family, fitness reel with my littles and racing outside to our local playground.
Sometimes I picture all three of them playing quietly in their rooms for 30 minutes a day so I can work out without any interruptions.
Fresh Air
This isn’t always possible in the cold winter months with three kids, but don’t you just feel better when you are outside? I sure do. Fresh air and sunshine are healing for hearts and bodies. When I go outside with my littles, everyone’s moods improve and everyone sleeps better at night.
Good Food
If I can just meal plan enough. . .
If I can just organize my refrigerator enough. . .
Maybe each meal will perfectly come together and I won’t forget any ingredients when I go to the grocery store.
Family Time
The dream is also. . . no late nights of work for my husband.
No hustling to evening activities.
No back-to-back nights at friends’ and family members’ houses for dinners or other activities that lead to late bedtimes.
Dinners at home around our table as much as possible are what I crave.
What Feels Like a Bad Day?
Lack of Sleep
I used to wake up at 6 am and have at least half an hour when no one else was awake. This was beautifully quiet and it helped me feel ready for the day.
But now, my littles (because of fear of the dark and fear of being alone), all sleep in the same room. If one gets up at 5:45, they are all up at 5:45 and instantly hungry.
In the past two months, we’ve dealt with night terrors, potty training, bed wetting, and paci-weaning. Our sleep has been disrupted.
Bad Attitudes
I frequently have to remind myself that we ALL have bad attitudes sometimes. But for some reason, I am almost surprised when it comes from my children. Does anyone else feel this way? I wonder if my subconscious thinks that since I fill just about every physical need they have, they should be without complaint.
Hmmm… Did I just discover another layer of my need and expectation for control? Guess what I’m talking about at next month’s counseling session!
Unhealthy food & Dehydration
Man, I have to work hard to get my son to drink water. He’s a skinny dude with lots of energy and sometimes I worry about him just passing out because he would rather play than eat or drink (yes, I am exaggerating here – there’s nothing actually wrong with him).
But does anyone else have mom guilt when they decide to pull out the frozen pizza because it’s just been a day?
Have you ever just given up and let them have one more cookie because you can’t even?
Too Much Screen Time
I just want to give a huge shout-out to all the moms out there who do this well. By this, I mean REALLY limiting screen time.
But sometimes I give up and give my kids more screen time than I should so that I can
Clean the house
Make dinner
Have a minute
I understand it’s all a balance, but I’m setting the stage here with scenarios that I think we can all relate to, yeah?
What REALLY Makes a Bad Day?
Me – My Own Heart
Even as I write up my definitions of a good or a bad day, I know there’s one underlying thing that influences the attitudes of my children and determines what I get done that day.
Its me. Hi. I’m the problem it’s me.
T Swift
But seriously…
When I expect everything to fall into that dream “good day” format, what could be a good day becomes a bad day.
What Can I Do to Change This?
I’ve found myself realizing that when I
Let the mess rest…
(And do what I can)
Read & pray where I can…
(And bring my kids into those moments)
Move during the few minutes I have…
(And give myself grace when I don’t)
Build a love for learning …
(And find the joy in these moments for myself)
I am less disappointed in my days. When I let go of my need for control, I am more present.
I feel less guilt when I stop expecting my prayer time to last an hour as I sip a piping hot cup of coffee, and instead do my best to just pray in the small moments throughout the day.
My anxiety decreases and I can do my squats as my big kids race across the living room. I can hold my down dog as my toddler lays on the mat underneath me.
Because that’s life, isn’t it? Messy, unpredictable, chaotic.
And what would we learn if everything was perfect? Here in these moments where I need to constantly adjust and change my plans, I’m learning to be flexible. I’m learning to have grace for myself and my kids. And maybe that will overflow into grace for others as well.
Maybe parenting is one of God’s greatest tools of sanctification where he makes us better through what seems like an unbearable amount of bending and stretching (metaphorically and physically).
The Truth Is. . .
As I write this, I’m encouraging myself. Because this isn’t always my mindset. More often than not I get caught up with those “good day” dream scenarios and I set my expectations in the clouds.
But when I hold onto Grace.
Grace I’ve been given
Grace for my family
Grace for myself
I am becoming better. I am more able.
I hope this encouraged you today. Sometimes all we need is to hear another story that sounds like our own.
As always…
